i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
