Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
