Can i not drive my cunt home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
