Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My bed smells like the plague
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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