I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
