the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
