I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
