You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
