i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
