YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My penis needs a shock collar
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
