Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
