I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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