Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
