The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
the raccoons are back...
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