I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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