Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
