I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize