I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Fuck appropriateness.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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