He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
