if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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