guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
