Where did you get a picture of my penis
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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