Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
