Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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