they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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