it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
