around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
