Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
