i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
