if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
