come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
