his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
