return my video game
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
