spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
