Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize