I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
