took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
