We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's never too late to be topless.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize