just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
