not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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