i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i think i just lost a toe
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
