i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
