Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
