I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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