dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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