I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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