I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
