Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
porn star boner night. come get it.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
