I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
