I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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