Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
