im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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