I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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