Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
