walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
