Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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