youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
