dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
