How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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