wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
