wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
