I think my fart just growled at me.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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