Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
