True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
