I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
