my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
