Only a mothe r could love this liver
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
