I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize