Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
