now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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