he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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