Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
