We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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