HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
