im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
