Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
